


South Park Sins

by NeilJos10



Series: The Meme Bin [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Character Insert, Everyone Is Gay, Humor, M/M, Multi, just for fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-03-18 03:50:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13673682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeilJos10/pseuds/NeilJos10
Summary: In a world where Dovahkiin has a brother and they are both gayer than rainbows- the entirety of South Park escalates into a bigger mess than it already was.





	1. The Beginning

“Hey, Dovahkiin, I spy with my little eye something white.” Brom grins at his newer brother.  
“It better not be snow.” Dovahkiin lets out a sigh as he signs with clear agitation.  
“No, it’s your taste in music, I can hear “Everytime We Touch” playing in your headphones.” Brom grins like a little devil as the car pulls into the driveway. The moving van with furniture is in front the house, now empty as the moving guys unload the final piece of furniture.  
“Well I spy with my little eye, someone who is going to get punched if they don’t shut up.” Dovahkiin glares at the ash brown boy moving his hands in an annoyed manner..  
“Fairpoint.” Brom says as he unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car. He grabs his small suitcase and brings it along as the two ditch their parents and head into the house. Mr. and Mrs. North were busy speaking to the movers about their under the table payments.  
Going up the stairs the two boys find three bedrooms and a bathroom at the end of the hallway. Looking into the bedroom at the end of the hallway they can tell their parents have already laid claim to the baren room. You can tell by the paper sign taped onto the door. The room next to it has a room equally barren as the last, but a light purple coats the wall. The room across has a deep blue painted on the walls.  
“I call the blue one, I know you like purple.” Brom gives a light pat on Dovahkiin’s back.  
“Good, because I was gonna fight for that room.” Is the hispanic’s simple response.  
“I know you would.” Brom enters his blue hued room and looks around. Dovahkiin does the same and enters his room. The moovers bring their stuff and they unpack, Dovahkiin puts up all of his space themed posters, stars on his ceiling. He installs his hammock into the ceiling and places his collection of fluffy stuffed animals in the star printed hammock. Brom installs his blue hammock and pulls it up high. He places his simple workout gear in a neat pile and hat collection in the closet. The two only stop unpacking when their mom checks on them both.  
“Sweeties, I know it’s confusing for why we had to move, but just know it was for your own good.” Kelly smiles gently at her sons.  
Their brown haired father come up the stairs as well. “Yeah little champs.” Neither say anything as they feel the oncoming awkward interaction approach. “Do-do you remember why we moved here?”  
“Y-” Brom begins but gets cut off as his biological father jumps to conclusions.  
“They don’t remember!” Chris whispers quite loudly to his wife.  
“They don’t remember!” Kelly’s eyes sparkle as she nods her head excitedly.  
“That’s good, that’s great in fact.” Brom narrows his eyes as his father ignores his response. Dovahkiin elbows Brom a little as he tries to comfort his freckled brother.  
“Sweeties, why don’t you guys go outside and make some new friends. I will unpack your clothes. Here’s some money for the two of you.” Their mom hands the two of them a five dollar bill and walks downstairs.  
“Yeah champs, go make some friends” Their father shoos them down the stairs and out the door. Bad news for Brom, who left his jacket upstairs in his room. Good news, they placed their backpack on their back when they were organizing hats to make it easier. Dovahkiin didn’t take their jacket off the entire time, which is sweet considering it is a cold day in their new town.  
“So where you wanna go?” Brom points his arms in two directions and watches his adopted brother for a sign. His maroon colored bro goes to the right and Brom follows after quietly behind him. The two walk less than five feet before they find a blonde boy and a kid with elf ears taped to his head fighting one another. The cute blonde boy calls for help as he falls to the ground, weak and helpless.  
Dovahkiin continues forward as Brom stops and contemplates if he should help. He decides he could help, and punches the elven child pretty hard. Dovahkiin stops and comes back when he hears the elven boy crying like a little bitch.  
“Well geez, I owe you one. Um, I’m Butters the merciful. Nice to meetchu.” The blonde holds out his hand as he introduces himself. Brom’s face flushes red, not just from the cold, but from how adorable the teen is. Blonde hair styled oddly, blue eyes, and a cute homemade outfit to boot.  
“I-I’m Brom, this is my brother Dovahkiin.” Brom curses himself for his stutter. He doesn't need to embarass himself in front of this cutie. Dovahkiin waves nonchalantly and tries signing a proper greeting. Butters watches confused and leans into Brom.  
“What’s he doing?” Butters questions the mousy haired teen.  
“Oh, it’s how he activates his super secret powers.” Brom grins trying to play it cool. Butters is still confused, but nods his head.  
“Well, geez do you guys wanna play with us?” The blonde boy questions sheepishly as he kicks the snow.  
“Yes!” Is Brom’s eager response as Dovahkiin shakes his head no, not at all interested. The red haired boy pulls on his brothers arm and signs to him.  
“Vroom, you ass, I wanna be a social recluse!” Brom nods his head and takes Dovahkiin by the shoulders.  
“Look, this guy is super cute, just look at him! I can’t say no to a face like that!” Dovahkiin rolls his eyes at the mousy haired youth.  
“You know what happened last time we went and made a bunch of friends, we moved. I would much rather not do this again.” Dovahkiin rolls his eyes as he tries to convince his brother it would be better if they were recluses.  
“Please, I’ll give you whatever you want.” Brom begs pathetically.  
“I want those white christmas lights you have.” Brom’s eyes widen as he comes to terms with losing his pretty lights.  
“F-fine. You can have those.” He can go out and buy different christmas lights anyways.  
“Sweet.” The boy signs over and nods his head at Butters.  
“We want to play.” Brom grins at the blonde boy.  
“Great! I’ll take you to the Grand Wizard then!” Butters leads the two to a green house that looks fairly similar to the two new kids home. The only difference is the color between the simple structures.  
Butters knocks on the door and not ten seconds later is the door opened by a fat teen in a handmade wizard hat. He immediately begins speaking “Ah, welcome. We have heard tales of the arrival of a new kid. Though it seems as though we have been blessed by the arrival of two. I am the Grand Wizard, come follow me.”  
“Hi.” Brom says following the chubby male to his backyard. It has a crudely made cardboard castle with the word Kingdom of Kuppa Keep written on it poorly. It actually agitates Brom just looking at the sloppy handwriting, he wants desperately to fix it. A supposed stable houses a single gray cat with a brown haired teen petting the cat. Brom walks over and pets the cat, who meows and purrs loudly.  
“Ah, hello there traveler. I am Scott Malkinson, I’m a level twelve ranger, who might you be?” The teen’s lisp is quite prominent as he speaks.  
“I’m Brom, and this is my brother.” Dovahkiin begins to pet the cat anxiously as he gets introduced to more and more people.  
“Um, guys, come here.” The fat kid demands for them to come to him. Dovahkiin glares at him and stays with the cat as Brom complies and makes his way to the fat kid.  
“Hey. So how do we get started.” Brom rubs his hands together as a means to warm them up. He decides to take out a hat as he listens to the kid.  
“Well first we need your names.” The overweight teen watches as Brom fiddles with his bag looking for the right hat.  
“Oh, well I’m Brom. Hey, Bro! Come here and pick your name!” Brom yells over Dovahkiin as he pulls out the wrong hat and shoves it back in. He tries to get his cute ass chullo with a pompom on top and heart eyes out, but fails.  
“Here.” Dovahkiin signs as he holds the bag and Brom pulls out his real hat.  
“He doesn’t talk.” Butters leans in and whispers to the chubby teen.  
“Ah, so you want to be called Douchebag.” Dovahkiin nods their head enthusiastically with a challenging glint to their eyes.  
“Alright, you shall hence be known as Douchebag. Now then, Brom, you have to choose a class. I see you have lots of appearance changing equipment already. Why don’t you become a shapeshifter. It would be interesting to have one, of course you can’t wear a shirt though. It would interfere with your abilities.” Brom looks unsure about it, but nods his head in thought. The problem is that he already is one. He can change shape at will, so doing that would be basically playing himself, which he is into.  
“Well what else could I be?” Brom wants to test his limits, he is not really into being shirtless the entire time.  
“You could be a thief, fighter, mage, or a jew. Just know if you chose jew, well we can never truly be friends.” Brom hold back a snort while the newly dubbed Douchebag just snorts with no restraint.  
“You know what, I’ll be the shapeshifter, I’ll be adventurous. How ‘bout you Douchebag.” Brom elbows his brother and reads the signs with expertise.  
“I wanna be a knight! Slay a bitch!” Brom rolls his eyes and turns to Cartman.  
“Well, what is he going to be?” The fat male edges impatiently.  
“He wants to be a knight.” Brom explains as he sneaks a glance at the blonde boy. Butters is watching this interaction intensely.  
“A fighter he is.” The obese male tries to crush the idea as soon as it blossoms.  
Douchebag throws up his middle finger with narrowed eyes as he expresses his displeasure. Brom takes one nervous look back at his brother and sees the fire in his eyes.  
“Look, just let him be a knight, he’ll get really petty and bitter otherwise.” Brom places a hand on his brother’s shoulder as a means to calm him, it doesn’t work that much. Douchebag elbows him kinda hard. “Ooof… See what I mean. Petty. Is this for me calling you out on your taste of music earlier?” Another elbow to the gut.  
“Hahah! That’s pretty sweet man. You know what fine. Only because you have amused your king.” The fat male chortles obnoxiously as he grants Dovahkiin’s wish.  
“Thanks…” Brom groans lightly as he watches his brother sign over to him.  
“Thanks for playing along.” Who is Dovahkiin kidding, he elbowed Brom really hard.  
Brom rolls his eyes and straightens himself. “Well gee new kid, are you ok?” Butters asks concern filling his voice.  
“Absolutely, gonna take a bit more than his sharp jabs to keep me down!” Broms puffs his chest out a bit as to impress this teen.  
“G-good, I would be worried otherwise. The others are re-real relentless when they a-attack.” Butters stumbles over his words as he pats Broms back.  
“Butters, stop interrupting us! Go to the shop and procure a weapon. Brom, you are going to use these” The wizard holds out his hand and hands over these sharp little claws that go on the tips of the fingers. Brom hands over five bucks without a protest, hey it’s way cheaper than what he thought.  
“Look Douchebag, these are so cool! I can make someone bleed real bad with these!” Brom cheers as his brother walks to the boy across from the stable. He has brown hair and has a silver helmet placed on his head.  
“Welcome weary traveler, would you like to see my wares? Perhaps you would like to hear tips and rumors for $2.” The boy sound like he spent a long time trying to memorize his lines, which would not be a shocker. The red haired boy nods his head as he hands over two dollars. “Don’t waste your money on tips and rumors.” Brom laughs at his brothers loss.  
“Shut up, at least I didn’t waste five bucks on those stupid claws.” Douchebag shoves Brom lightly as he picks out a weapon.  
“Hey, these are kinda cool. I’m like a tiger.” Brom shoves Douchebag back as he picks out a plastic sword with a chip in it.  
“More like a kitten.” Dovahkiin shoots back with a glare.  
“Point taken.” Brom’s grin drops and he focuses his attention on the store keep. “Hey bud, I’m Brom and this is my brother Douchebag. I hope we can be friends” Brom holds out his now clawed hand and the shopkeeper takes it.  
“I’m Clyde, I hope so to.” Clyde smiles and goes back to whatever he was doing. The boys hear the familiar ding of a new follower on their phones, it’s begun. Butters, Clyde and Scott Malkinson, along with several more unknown people have become Dovahkiin’s friends on facebook. Brom usually only gets those same followers because he’s usually Dovahkiin’s first mutual on everything. Granted, he doesn’t get nearly as many as Dovahkiin ever does.  
“Well, this is already better than the last one” Brom mutters as he makes his way back to the wizard with his brother in toe. Dovahkiin nods his head knowing what his brother meant.  
“Alright, get changed into this and we can begin.” The fat boy shoves clothes in both of their hands and shoves them into the tent.  
After getting dressed, Dovahkiin was clad in plastic armour and helmet sits crooked on his head. The armour is a dark black and gray matching his aesthetic perfectly. The cheap plastic has some intricate designs, some worn with scratches. Brom was only given pants, a belt, and dark blue paint.  
“D-do I put the paint on?” Brom question as he eyes it unsure.  
“Do it pussy.” Dovahkiin taunts the mousy haired boy.  
“Well, no need to get so crass.” Brom dips his fingers into the paint and feels the coldness of the paint. “Oh, this is the worst.” He says smearing it on his neck in a neat ring and along his arm. He eventually decides to do an intricate design on his chest as shivers a little from the cold. “I think I may regret my decision.” Brom groans as he laments his brash actions.  
“Good” Douchebag says stepping out of the tent. Brom follows behind the mute boy as he wipes his hands in some snow to clean them off. It works a little, the skin is left looking a little gray still. He decides to just smear it on his hands a little more to make it look better and symmetrical.  
Brom turns his attention to his brother when Dovahkiin grabs his shoulder. Brom looks up confused, as he notices his brother’s crappy armor looks much nicer suddenly. Like, it doesn’t look like plastic anymore, more like actual metal. “What happened to your armor? It looks good.”  
“I could say the same for you, that paint looks a hell of a lot more like some tattoo than paint.” Dovahkiin points to the boy’s handy work, and true to his words, the paint seemed to have melded with his skin. “Also, look around, this place is really cool now. Like it’s a legit castle.”  
“Oh, shit, you right man.” Brom takes a long look around as sees that every sort of childlike craftsmanship is gone. A stone castle stands tall, as do several wooden buildings. The staple seems to hold some sort of giant cat with a beautifully crafted saddle.  
“Alright, so now onto combat.” The wizard announces as he spots the two brothers. “Come on now.” He begins to lead the two into a much larger training arena. “The two of you will test your abilities. CLYDE! SCOTT! CAN YOU COME HERE AND SPAR WITH DOUCHEBAG AND BROM!” Clyde and Scott come at a leisurely pace as they stand on the opposite end of the battlefield. It seems as though everyone’s mannerisms will be the exact same, except, everything is much prettier? That’s pretty cool.  
“Alright Douchebag, with the bravery of a noble knight, beat up Clyde. Brom with the trickery and deception of a shapeshifter, rip Scott a new asshole.” The battle begins and the two are introduced to their new found abilities. The wizard throws his arm up as what looks like a tiny firework goes off.  
Douchebag is left fighting Clyde with his sword and using his brute strength to beat the other into the dirt. The thrill and exhilaration of battle courses through Douchebag as a grin spreads across his face. He uses his sword and agility to dance across the battlefield like a fucking nymph, blocking strikes and dishing damage like a champ.  
Brom uses his real shape shifting abilities, unsure on how it would transfer over. But he saw the fat wizard cast a small spell to start the match, so it has to work out for him right? When he isn’t questioned for his abilities, he gains confidence in his attacks. He shifts from a tiger, to a bear, and to a hawk when the needs arise  
At any rate, they beat the shit out of their competitors with little effort, turns out the two enjoy the thrill of battle. The high from watching their enemy fall to the ground is quite refreshing and exhilarating for them. The chubby wizard applauds their ‘valiant’ efforts.  
Brom snaps out of his own blood lust and helps up his facebook friends. “Sorry about that. Are you alright?”  
“Peechy.” Is Clyde’s snippy response as he returns to his post. Brom pouts a little at the response, but can understand why.  
“I just need a moments rest” Scott walks back to his stable with the cute cat.  
“Great, now, come with me. I shall show you the relic.” Wizard fatass leads them into the “tent”, which is a castle now, once more and brings their attention to a stick on a pillow.  
“Wow, a stick on a pillow” Dovahkiin signs over to Brom with chuckle to accompany it.  
“I know.” Brom says quietly.  
“This is the Stick of Truth. Don’t gaze at it too long! It’s powers corrupt men with just a glance. Whoever controls the stick controls the universe, the Drow elves had and the kingdom suffered. With the stick back in it’s rightful place the kingdom thrives. We must protect it at all costs, lest darkness falls upon the land of Zaron.” The boy explains the importance of the stick to the game.  
“Neat.” Brom deadpans as he gazes at the Game of Thrones rip off throne.  
“ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!” Butters’ voice is heard screaming from outside the tent. The sound of metal clashing against metal as kids beat the shit out of each other resounds loudly from outside the tent.


	2. Chapter 2

Dovahkiin’s anxiety grew exponentially when he heard the sounds of fighting coming closer and the yelling from Butters.   
“What’s going on?” the Fat Wizard said as the tiny blonde boy ran forward. Dovahkiin had a feeling it might have to do with the yelling coming from somewhere else in the castle.   
“The Elves are attacking!” the blonde screamed, kind of just dancing around in nervousness before running towards the fighting. Brom looked at Butters in worry, but Dovahkiin had a feeling it wasn’t because the Elves were attack but because he had a huge crush on him.   
“Oh ma god! Man the Defensive positions!” Cartman yelled loudly, running after butters as fast as his stubby fat legs could go. It would have been funny if there wasn’t a battle with real swords going on outside.   
“If we make it out of here alive I swear I’m going to strangle you with those lights for getting us into this mess,” Dovahkiin signed as fast as he could, his face showing his anger even as he put his hands down to take the sword that hung off his hips off.   
“Fair enough,” Brom said even as he moved quickly to follow Butters….and the fat kid too. Stopping behind Cartman, next to Clyde, both of the brothers watched as what looked to be an Elven general stepped through a broken door into the Kingdom Keep.   
“Give us the stick!” the elf cried out in front of his horde of followers- a group of scrawny kids with pointed ears and weapons. Dovahkiin, who was still trying to figure out how exactly this was possible, shifted a bit in a stance that was preparing himself to fight. Both he and his brother were no strangers to having to fight, especially in some of the sketchy areas they had lived in and with the whole thing-that-no-one-talks-about. You know...the thing. This was different though, rarely did they ever fight with weapons but it didn’t seem too hard when no one else here looked to know what they were doing either.   
“Fuck you Drow Elves, come and get it!” Fat Wizard yelled back fiercely. You had to give the man credit, he had balls- or he was insane. Either way. “Clyde! Guard the Stick of Truth while we defend the fortress!”  
“Aye, aye!” Clyde said before running off, but not without one last comment from Fat Wizard.  
“Aye, aye? We aren’t playing pirates Clyde!” Poor kid, it almost made Dovahkiin want to hit the wizard before he spoke again. “Douchebag, Brom. This is your chance to prove yourself, hold off the asshole elves at all costs!”   
Brom didn’t hesitate to go straight into battle, shapeshifting into a bear as he barreled right into the fray while Dovahkiin fought only a small group at a time. He kicked their asses just like the Fat Wizard kept telling him to from his safe space, even taking advice from him- like using his arrows and trying a health potion, which surprisingly both tasted good and made him feel much better.   
On the other side of the battle, Brom was kicking ass by just whacking kids away with his bear claws or scratching them with the talon’s of a large eagle. The battle didn’t seem to take as long as he imagines, with only a few groups of Elves actually attacking them each. Before long they called for a surrender with Cartman cheering obnoxiously as they ran with there proverbial tails between their legs.   
Despite their surrender though, it seemed the Elves still got what they wanted when Clyde came back with a dead voice announcing simply, “It’s gone.”  
“What?” the Fat Wizard said stupidly.   
“The Stick of Truth, the Elves got it,” he explained. Dovahkiin could see the steam rising instantly, like a volcano before it’s going to erupt.   
“THAT WAS YOUR ONE GODDAMN JOB CLYDE! TO GUARD THE STICK OF GODDAMN TRUTH,” he yelled loudly, a sound that really grinded Dovahkiin’s ears in the same way that pencils and chewing did. With only a break long enough for Cartman to sigh, he then continued by saying, “Clyde, you are hereby banished from SPACE AND TIME.”   
Both of the brothers felt a twinge of pity for the kid, where would he even go? Especially since the entire world turned into some Narnia bullshit. Did he just leave the tent? Go back to the real world where no one else seemed to be? Or was he just a character in this world? Did anyone else besides Butters, Cartman and them live in ‘their world’.   
“No! You can’t do that!” Clyde protested.  
“Ya huh! You’re banished! Go home!”  
“Yeah Clyde! Go home!” Butters chimed in, proud of himself. Brom seemed to stare a bit too long at the boy after that, especially with the content of his statement. Crushes tended to blind people though, even those who should know better. Dovahkiin couldn’t wait to tease him mercilessly after this. He chuckled silently as he thought about it, teasing Brom mercilessly for having a crush on Butters the Merciful! Irony at its finest.   
The Fat Wizard turned back and, in a complete 180, said, “Brom, Douchebag. You both fought bravely- one of you a bit cooler than the other.” His gaze flickering to Brom with delight at his awesome shapeshifting.   
“Yeah! The new kids sure can fight!” the sweet diabetic boy, Scott, added.  
“Shut up Scott! No one cares what you think!” Cartman said, starting a flurry of hand motions to come from Dovahkiin.   
“Fuck you! I care what he says!” Dovahkiin defended the boy angrily. Before Brom could even Translate, Scott perked up and thanked Douchebag.   
“You can understand him!?” Butters said with shock.   
“Y-yeah, I learned in my speech classes,” Scott said cheerfully.  
“Wait! Don’t tell them, I want the Fat Wizard to suffer,” Dovahkiin signed with a smirk, Brom laughing next to him.  
“Anyways!” Cartman cut off impatiently. “We have a bigger problem than Douchebag’s nonverbal bullshit. The Stick of Truth has been taken and we must assemble our entire army in order to get it back.”  
Brom rolled his eyes at how over dramatic this bullshit was, why did he have to act like this. Couldn’t he talk normally? Clearly he’s capable. Dovahkiin was laughing at how exasperated Brom was and nudged him with his elbow.   
“This is your fault,” he reminded while Brom stuck out his tongue silently as a response. “It really could be a great game is Fat Wizard was the enemy,” Douchebag added. Brom might have answered if Butters didn’t start talking with earnest.  
“But our three best warriors haven’t reported for duty, my king!”   
“Our newest member can take care of that! New Kids! I want you to go out into the kingdom and find my greatest warriors! Get Token, Tweek and Craig! I’m texting there pictures to your personal inventory device now,” Cartman said, full of himself. “But beware, the lands outside are full of marauding drow elves and 6th Graders! Now go! Send my warriors here!”  
Suddenly the brothers were dismissed to do what they wanted. Dovahkiin decided he would do some exploring around the castle grounds, grabbing Brom’s sleeve before he could do anything else and get them distracted with other stupid things.   
“Come on bro! I want to talk to people!” Brom protested loudly. Dovahkiin stopped once they were far enough away in the back, left part of the grounds.   
“More like you want to talk to ‘Butter’,” Dovahkiin signed, using the word for Butter to symbol the boy.   
“N-No! I, I wanted to talk to Scott!” Brom fumbled for a lie even though Dovahkiin knew him too well to believe that bullshit.   
“Oh, sure Mr.We’d-Love-To-Play! You jumped on him the second you saw him needing to be saved!” the hispanic brother teased. His bro turned pink in a second, pulling his hat down to hide his face from the world as Dovahkiin laughed jovially. “Just admire you love….” his hands paused when he caught sight of something behind his brother’s shoulder. It was a boy with a wig over his bright orange parka. His face was visible through the hood, showing a kid their age with blonde hair to match his wig and cerulean blue eyes.   
Brom turned around to see what caught his bro’s attention and a smile broke out on his face, “oh, guess I’m not the only one with the crush!” he sang teasingly. Dovahkiin ignored him to stare at the blonde boy before paying attention again to Brom.   
“Translate for me!” He signed hurriedly, his face pleading.  
“I don’t know….what would you give me in return?” Brom said. Dovahkiin groaned out loud at his asshole brother.   
“I won’t tell mom that you bribed me to play a game with the kids, knowing that I would gain friends and we’d have to move again- all for a crush!”   
“Yeah but then mom won’t let you talk to YOUR crush!” Brom fought back with logic.   
“Fuck you. Just please? Pretty please?” Dovahkiin begged more, staring at Brom with his puppy dog eyes.  
“Fine! But you have to buy me those glow-in-the-dark stars!” his brother relented, making Dovahkiin throw up his fist in victory. He put his hand to his chin before moving it down in the ASL sign for ‘thank you’.   
Dovahkiin walked over to the princess, having heart eyes basically pop out of his head- not unlike Brom’s favorite hat. His face was ruined by the appearance of the Fat Wizard.   
“Ah! I see that you’ve become interested in Princess Kenny- the fairest in the land! Don’t ask why he’s a chick, that just seems to be how he’s rolling right now. It would make the game interesting if you tried to romance the princess! Especially you Brom!” the teen said exuberantly. Either he was dumb or being an ass because it was clear that Dovahkiin was interested in the blonde.   
“Oh, yeah. We’re just going to, uh, talk to the princess for a bit,” Brom said, waving the Fat Wizard off and following his already moving brother.   
On his way over, Dovahkiin saw a flower in the grass and pulled it up- roots and all. He brought it over to the Princess and knelt down to present it silently.   
“A flower for me? Thank you!” he said, his voice muffled a lot by the jacket that covered his mouth completely. The princess giggled a little as a pink blush crept over his cheeks. Dovahkiin wasn’t too different, turning dark as he twisted his hands together anxiously. It took him some time before he could actually start signing, his hands shaking.  
“No problem, it’s my pleasure!” Dovahkiin signed excitedly. The princess looked over to Brom, confused.  
“He said he took it out of the ground just like he wanted to take you out,” Brom said with a suggestive wink and comical wiggling eyebrows. Before Kenny could respond, Dovahkiin elbowed Brom harshly. “Fuck! Okay, okay. He said no problem and that it’s his pleasure,” he corrected himself with a groan of pain. Princess Kenny giggled in response before replying:  
“Go fight for me, knight.” God, Dovahkiin really like this game all of a sUdden. He nodded eagerly before tugging Brom with him, out of the castle before he realized he had no idea where to go.  
“Vroom! What were we supposed to do again?” he signed frantically, realizing that this didn’t look anything like the town now. Would the lay out be the same still? It looked like it- with the homes turned into larger and more fantastical looking Cottages and the streets becoming dirt roads with horse prints over the dry dirt.   
“We have to get the other soldiers. Um, let’s try Tweek first! I got a piece of paper with a map from Butters before you dragged us off. It has a few places circled for us,” Brom explain.  
“Let’s go then!” the hispanic brother said quickly.


	3. Chapter 3

The two brothers walk through this new land following the map given to them by Butters the Merciful. They make it to a clearing with nothing more than a snowman and a clear path to what looks like a market district in the distance. Brom runs past the snowman and gazes out at the winter wonderland before them, completely entranced by the beauty of the land. Dovahkiin takes tentative steps following after his enthusiastic brother, but stops when the snowman falls apart and out jumps several elves.   
“Stop right there humans! You shall not pass!” Brom turns at the sound of the kids demand. Brom grins as several surround him and attempt to close off his exits.  
“Hey Dova- I mean Douchebag! You ready to pummel these guys into dust? Such a shame though, the tall one is kinda cute.” Brom winks towards the tall one wearing what he would guess to be druid robes.  
Dovahkiin rolls his eyes and draws his sword while Brom shifts into a wolf. The elves charge them and the two take the time to artfully crush them, one of them even starts crying and runs off. Taking a moment to catch their breath, the two lean against a pole with a flag at the top. It has a horn on the bottom that Dovahkiin takes the liberty to blow. The sound of horses alerts them to a man coming down the way.   
“Timmy!” The male shouts and stops his mighty horses. He looks down at the two and produces a piece of paper, handing it to Dovahkiin. Brom raises his eyebrows and waves at the male. “Timmy!” the male takes his herd of horses and rides off into the distance.  
“What does the paper say?” Brom leans over as Dovahkiin unrolls the paper. It’s a pamphlet for the Timmy Express.  
“It says that we need to discover more ‘portal’ in order to use it. I guess the guy is going to give us a ride around, sort of like a bus.” Dovahkiin signs over to Brom, after elbowing Brom for leaning over him. The mousy haired teen nods his head and grips his stomach in pain.  
“Cool… I’m ready to go, you?” The freckled boy stands to his full height and offers his hand for his brother who nods ‘yes’.  
“Let’s go get, ‘T’” Maroon haired youth signs and the two are off once more to following the map.   
“So, if this is Tom’s appearance changing shop, then Tweek’s Bros has to be this way! I think…” Brom points in the direction of the forest and Dovahkiin eyes him incredulously.   
Dovahkiin snatches the map from Brom, who pouts at his brother. Looking at the map, Dovahkiin manages to figure out the correct path to finding their destination. “You know, you didn’t have to snatch it from me…” Brom sulks as the mute leads the way.  
“Yes I did.” The dark knight signed as they arrived at the tavern, Tweak Bro’s.  
The building is addorn with a sign that reminds Brom of that alley in Harry Potter, the one with all the shops. The stone structure reaches a second story, which looks to hold a sitting area for those who want to enjoy the cold day. It doesn’t have any glass, which is odd, but none of the places they have passed seem to of had glass.   
“Stop ogling the architecture and come inside already ‘Vroom’” The moled boy signs and walks inside, assuming that Brom would follow suit.  
“O-of course!” ‘Vroom’ follows behind Dovahkiin as they reach the counter. The two seem to of missed the morning rush, seeing as barely anyone is inside the shop. “Excuse me, but is Tweek here?” Brom presents himself in front of the tall adult.  
“Tweek? He’s in the back doing his chores. Are you guys his little friends?” Brom shakes his head no.  
“Oh?” Dovahkiin groans inwardly at this painful interaction.  
“We haven't met yet, but his other friends asked us to get him.” The adult nods his head and shows them to the back.  
“I see, I thought I haven't seen you two before. Well treat Tweek nicely will you, new kids?” Brom nods his head and enters the room with Dovahkiin in tow.  
“Of course!” The mousy haired male spots Tweek and approaches the twitchy male. “H-” Brom barely starts before the blonde freaks out.  
“GAH! N-new kids?!” Tweak drops his brom and nervously pulls at his hair.  
“Hey, hey, hey…” The freckled boy speaks lowly trying to calm the other so they can talk. The blonde doesn’t speak and eyes him curiously as Brom speaks like he would to a frightened animal. “This is from the fat wizard.” He hands Tweek the letter, who opens its.   
“G-gah! The guys need me n-now! B-but… I still have so much I have to do!” Tweek pulls at his shirt awkwardly and fidgets.  
“How about me and Dovahkiin help out?” Brom offers calmly, watching the blonde for a reaction. Dovahkiin pulls at Brom’s hat and shakes his head no, but Tweek nods his head in thought.  
“I-if you guys go and get the package, th-then I could finish up here and have time for the guys.” Brom nods his head as he takes note of how much calmer Tweek seems to be.  
“Great, then we will go get that! We will be back for you Cinderella” Brom winks and accepts the offered envelope.  
“G-gah!” Tweek turns with a heavy blush on his face. He returns to his chores as Brom and Dovahkiin leave.  
Dovahkiin nudges BRom after buying a cup of coffee. “What?” Brom asks siping his water.  
“You did the thing again.” Dovahkiin signs taking his coffee.  
“Did I really?” Brom questions.   
“Yeah, you did the thing you do with frightened animals. I didn’t think it worked on people…” Dovahkiin explains as the two make their way downtown, walking fast.  
“Oh geez. I realized he was calmer, but I didn’t realize he got that way because of that!” Brom shakes his head following behind Dovahkiin who is unable to reply as he retrieves the map from his pocket.   
The walk to the pick up station is a long one, seeing as the two brothers are continuously being attacked by elves. The two gain quite a bit in the way of items, money and experience, according to the rules, the two have actually leveled up! When the two come across what looks like a rundown shack, stationed at the outskirts of town, the mousy haired youth knocks on the door.   
A red haired woman with a bright green shirt, which bares several stains across it, opens the door, Brom can see a little of the messy interior. The freckled boy is unsure as to whether the fantasy world has produced an exaggerated view point, or if the place is actually that rundown and messy.  
Dovahkiin pulls Brom out of the way as it becomes apparent the boy has forgotten how to speak when the red haired woman asks “What the hell they want”.  
Dovahkiin hands the envelope to the woman who seems much calmer as she realises what the envelope contains. “Oh, this isn’t for me. This is for the nice people renting the guest house! Here” She hands Dovahkiin the letter and a pair of keys. The fellow red head nods his head and finds his way off the front steps.  
“Th-thank you!” Brom grins and waves sheepishly at the woman. “Alright, this is it. Let’s get that delivery and then use that “Timmy Express”.” The buff youth grins at his brother.  
“Hell yeah. I’m curious about what “the horseman” is like.” The moled brother signs animatedly.   
Brom knocks on the door to the guest house. When a faint “Come in” is spoken to them, the two follow their way through the door. “You got the package, because we got the stuff.” Is how the two brothers are greeted.  
“Uhh, we got the envelope. Tweek sent us” Brom speaks up with a sheepish smile when he realizes these adults look like hideous malformed people. They have the basic structure, but they are covered in welts and have some protrusions coming forth from their bodies. Dovahkiin looks about as perturbed by these “people”.  
“Wait a second… This isn’t the usual kid!” One of the beastly men shout surprised.  
“I just said Tweek sent us.” Brom says in a low voice.   
“Aw shit! It’s a cop!” One of the aggravated mutants throws a bottle at the two brothers, who block the bottle.   
“No! No, no, we are not cops!” Brom’s panicked pleas fall on deaf ears as the drunk deformed people attack. At this point, the two understand that Brom’s ‘special’ voice only works on non aggressive anxiety. Brom shifts into a rabbit in order to quickly move out of the way of a swift kick from one of their attackers.  
“I don’t think they care.” The dark knight signs, not caring if his brother actually saw the movements. The sword wielding boy draws his sword and deals a harsh blow to one of the men.   
Brom realizes that if he were to shift into anything too large, he would be a wide open target, his best option is to stick to a small size and to just do minimal damage and more distractions. Sticking to his rabbit form he sends a powerful kick to the back of one of their deformed legs. Dovahkiin uses this as an opportunity to take a big damaging blow to the slowed enemy.  
Brom gets kicked to the side by the only female in the “nice people’s” group. Brom rolls to his side and gets up once more and avoids the blow of another big hit by ducking under a table. Dovahkiin feels a rage at seeing the ball of fluff being kicked and enacts one of his special abilities, Righteous Fury. He attacks the lady twice with hard blows, she crumples to the ground bleeding. Brom dashes out from under the table and shifts into a bird and targets the only standing enemy, besides the dazed one.   
The blue jay boy pecks the man pettily and avoids the uncoordinated hands. The man falls backwards and hits head on the floor hard. Dovahkiin takes the opportunity presented to kick the downed man and relishes in the man’s screams.  
Brom lets out a tweet as he turns to the last enemy. The bird boy shifts back into his human form as he nurses a bruise on his side. He takes out a potion and drinks the tasty liquid, feeling the wound disappearing.   
Dovahkiin stalks towards his last victim and delivers a hard blow with the back of his sword and watches as the man gets knocked out. “Well,” Brom begins unsure “That was interesting”.  
“Yeah, now where’s the package?” Dovahkiin cuts to the chase as he kicks the topled woman.   
“I’m not too s- Oh! There! Next to that chest!” Brom points excitedly.  
“Ah, it’s all yours buddy.” The black knight pats Brom on the back and watches the boy shift into a hawk. He glides on up to the desired walkway and pulls the chest down, and then grabs the package with Tweek Bro’s logo. Flapping down to the ground he shifts back into a person and takes a look into the package.  
“I think we shouldn’t drink the coffee from Tweek’s” Brom states when he sees some white powder poorly mixed into the grounds.  
“Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be drinking it soon.” Dovahkiin checks out the fancy box. It has some fancy designs, overall it looks like it does not belong in the messy meth lab esq. room. Upon opening the chest, the two uncover an even more intricately decorated blade compared to the one Dovahkiin is equipped with.   
Brom lets loose a whistle when he sees the fancy weapon. He notices a card at the botttom of the chest. “Plus 40 attack and adds one bleeding to target. Huh, I think it’s better than your weapon.”   
“That’s such bullshit, but I like the way it looks. Fits my current armor aesthetic.” Brom nods his head.  
“What happened to your pastel punk? Rather your normal pastel?” The mousy haired teen questions as he eyes the sword unsure.  
“I wanna be a dark knight! You think the princess would like it?” Dovahkiin signs uncertain in his choices.  
“He’s bound to like it! I even like it! I’m probably going to pull some black pants from my wardrobe to go with you, you know. It doesn’t feel right to not have similar clothes on. Then again, it also doesn’t feel too right to not have a shirt on.” Buff and freckled grins at the moled boy and stretches his limbs.  
“I know! It’s so wrong!” Dovahkiin pulls at his pants shortly after.  
“So tomorrow, you gonna wear those black pants with the red buttonS? Cuz, that’s what I’m thinking would look good with your chestplate. It should blend well since everything here sort of blends till it looks “fantastical”.” Brom makes sure to exaggerate the last word as he grins and heads to the Timmy Express.  
“Oooooh, yeah, that sounds good actually!” The boy agrees blowing the horn. The tell tale sound of horses coming forth alert them to the stampede ahead. Here comes Timmy and his disappearing and reappearing horses. Two horses stop besides the boys, who fling themselves onto the horses.  
“Timmy!” And with that shout the horses take off at a breakneck speed. The surroundings of the two boys seem to blend together for a moment before clearing up at their desired destination, Tweek Bro’s.   
“Thanks Timmy! Brom hops off the horse and leans against a wall feeling motion sickness creeping up on him as he heaves a little.   
“Holy shit…” Dovahkiin signs shakily feeling the intense forces of the travel. Once Brom calms his stomach, he follows after his brother and into the building.  
“Tweeeeek!” Brom whines loudly as he comes across the male placing a box on a high shelf.  
“G-GAH! Y-Your back already! Well, I just finished up here!” Tweek carefully comes down from his ladder and greets the two in his shaky fashion.   
“H-here. Sorry, it took so long.” Dovahkiin hands over the package as Brom handles the conversation.  
“D-dad! I finished all my chores! Can I-I go and p-play now?!” Tweek shouts to his father, who is further back in the store.  
“Did you pick up the package?” Tweek’s father questions the twitchy.  
“Y-yes!” Tweek put the package on a counter.  
“Then you can go play with your new friends.” The man then goes onto ramble about how his coffee is all natural.  
“Th-thanks you guys! I-I’ll meet you at Cartman’s” Tweek begins to gather his stuff.  
“Alright, see you there angel!” Brom grins and winks at the boy, who just becomes flustered in response.  
“Gah! Pressure!” Tweek says rather than yells as he covers his face.  
“So who’s next?” Brom brings up his phone to check. “Oh, Token.”


	4. Gas Masks Aren't For Just Weed Anymore

    It didn’t take long for the two brothers to run into trouble after that. Besides the basically irrelevant elves that tried to attack, they found themselves stuck at Token’s gate, in front of a thick man that guarded the Huge home. The man looked like one of those pathetic, fat dogs that has a bark that was way worse then it’s bite.

  
    “We just need to see Token, we have-” the shorter brother said, walking closer to the guard like the guy from the new Jurassic Park- trying to use just his voice to calm the man.

  
    -And that was when the guard decided to pepper spray them both, or whatever the equivalent of that is in this fantasy parallel universe.   
   

    It was horrible, the burning in the brother’s eyes made Dovahkiin gag and Brom’s eyes drip tears all down his face. It took some time before they could both begin their journey anew.

  
    “Jesus, who just pepper sprays someone that fast! We didn’t even do anything!” Brom complained as they walked down the gravel road, past several smaller buildings- the memory of the large palace seemingly making them feel even more dwarfed in comparison.

  
    “It is his job, Vroom,” Dovahkiin signed to his brother. He shifted awkwardly in his heavy armor, beginning to bake inside the metal suit.

  
    “That’s like defending police brutality, Douchebag. Don’t defend police brutality!” answered Brom, indignantly- getting an elbow to the side in response.

  
    “You know I’m not,” Dovahkiin signed before pausing to look at a huddle of Elves by a suspiciously Chinese-looking place. “But speaking of brutality, I want to punch them.” Just before one of the elves could come up and assault them first, Dovahkiin threw a punch at the ugly looking brunette with the antlers. He took out his frustration and anxiety on them, there was no other way of course- physical violence was an amazing way to get out of the choking stress that was driving him up the wall. He felt like that anxious kid, Tweek, but much more violent and angry when he got anxiety.

  
    The battle took a bit longer than the last random group of enemies they had faced- but it was much more violent this round and so very bloody now that they were beginning to get used to fighting. It was hard to imagine that a human- or elf- could bleed so much without at least a few stitches. Speaking of, if they got hurt in this world would they still be hurt in the regular South Park? Dovahkiin would have to see once they made it out into the real world- this entire thing was very confusing.

  
    At the end of the tiny battle, they both continued their walking through the town- just as confused as to where to go as they were after being pepper sprayed.

  
    “ ‘Vroom’, what did we do now? We have to find something so we can get past that guard,” Dovahkiin sighed with frustration. It was only then when he heard the ping of Brom’s phone going off as his facebook was alerted with someone commenting.   
His brother opened his phone, going through his feed before a smile grew on his face.

 

    “I know where to go now! Thank God for shameless self promotion,” Brom laughed. “Why don’t we try the hunting store, the owner said they have gas masks,” he said.

  
    “How do these work? Where is the internet?” Dovahkiin started signing aggressively. “I don’t understand any of this! The Matrix makes more sense to me than this and you know that I hated that movie!”

  
    “Okay calm down- you’re signing faster than I can understand,” Brom complained, putting a hand over Dovahkiin’s quickly moving ones. The taller brother sighed angrily before repeating himself slower.

  
    “Ohhh, alrighty. Well, I have no idea how that works bro, I wish I knew,” Brom said with a half hearted shrug. “Maybe the internet transfers over from the other world?”

  
    Dovahkiin threw his hands up in exasperation as he just shook his head. None of this made sense to him and he had gone through a lot of things that shouldn’t make sense to anyone. This took the cake though, all of it. Didn’t even leave any cake for anyone else.

  
    “Let’s get going, bro. We have to get this shit done before more of those stupid elves come looking for us,” Brom sighed, nudging Dovahkiin’s shoulder a little bit to get him moving again.

  
    “Ugh, alright but I will figure this shit out. I swear that to you,” Dovahkiin angrily communicated.

  
    “Okay dude, just don’t get too upset now. We’ve been good lately, you don’t want to attract the- you know,” Brom warned, making Dovahkiin roll his eyes. They wouldn’t even be in this situation if it wasn’t for the other brother’s crush on the small blonde boy, Butters.

  
    After that they just continued on their way, stopping only once so that they could check the map for where the gun store was.

  
    “They are really reaching with a gun store,” Brom muttered. “Like, couldn’t it at least been just a weapons store? How are there guns here?” he asked, looking so very confused as they stepped in front of a raggedy old building.

  
    “Looks about right for a hick town like this,” Dovahkiin muttered lowly. The building was rustic looking, but not in the nice aesthetic way. It was more like a wooden, shit colored shack to be honest.

  
    As he walked inside the store, Dovahkiin noticed that, yes, everything was a gun but they all had a very mystical twist to them. Some had flowers growing out of them or even sparkled with no real rhyme or reason. One was even made out of a pink crystal! Carved like an ice sculpture.

  
    “AY! You must be the new kids- interested in huntin’ are you?” the orange clad man at the counter exclaimed. “Well you’ve come to the right place! South Park is full of things to hunt- from the illegal to the restricted! I’m Jimbo and this here is Ned! So what brings you here? Revenge or pleasure?”

  
    Dovahkiin looked at the man and then Brom, confused by how dumb this man must be. Was he really asking teenagers about buying weapons?

  
    “Um, revenge I guess? We need a gas mask- I’m sure you already figured that out through facebook,” Brom spoke up hesitantly, his brow pinching with confusion as well from the man’s greeting.

  
    “Well, that’s perfect! We have the right product for you,” Jimbo said excitedly before bringing out two masks for them both. Dovahkiin wrinkled his nose at both of the masks, noting how dirty they already were. How do they contain their products?

  
    The brothers exchanged glances before Dovahkiin sighed and put money down for them both. He wanted to get out of this store as soon as humanly possible, so he grabbed the gas masks and left without looking back.

  
    Once they were outside of the store he turned to Brom and signed, “those were the the shadiest people I’ve ever meet.”

 

    “They didn’t seem too bad, the crack dealers were much worse,” Brom said with a short shrug. “Why don’t we just go back and finish this stupid mission.”

  
    “Fine, Vroom, I just want the day to be over already. It can’t possibly get any worse than this stupid shit,” he groaned to emphasis his tired signing.

  
    “Yeah, yeah. It’s not too bad though, we both seem to have a reason to keep it up. Don’t we, Mr. Silver Knight?” Brom teased the other about the princess. Dovahkiin only responded with a quick middle finger in front of his face. So what if he had a small crush on the blonde princess, he couldn’t help that Kenny was really pretty- even if he’d never even seen the kid without a blonde wig and dress. Not that he really cared too much, Dovahkiin also liked to wear more ‘feminine’ clothing.

  
    “Okay, Vroom. Let’s just not tease about our prospective crushes until AFTER we finished this mission,” Dovahkiin added as they continued to walk through the dusty streets of South Park.

  
    “Fine, but I’ll have to up it once everything’s over,” Brom said as he nudged his brother with his elbow. DOvahkiin ducked out of the way to avoid the elbow, only getting grazed lightly on the ribs.

  
    “Try your best, Vroom,” he signed, still using the nickname he had given his brother all those years ago, before Brom’s parents adopted him officially. The rest of the walk back to the large mansion was filled with light banter as they made their way to get back at that screwed up security guard.

  
    As they entered the general area, both of the brothers pulled out the gas masks as they made their way into the danger area. Slipping them on and reading there weapons, both of them prepared to take the much bigger man down. With the two of them it shouldn’t be too hard.   
Walking up to the man like a pair of delinquents, the brothers quickly found that the guard was waiting for them to come back for him. At least he was smart enough to know that he wouldn’t just be forgotten after magically pepper spraying two teenage boys.

  
    It didn’t take the man long to just try and spray them again, not even trying for a real conversation before he went for them- freaking out once he realized that it didn’t affect them. He even went as far to completely accuse them of being witches.

  
    “Oh no, you did NOT just call us witches,” Brom snarked the large man before attacking the man back, starting the battle quickly to catch the guard off guard. Unfortunately it was a much longer battle than just dealing with those stupid elf kids, both of them getting battered a bit by the man before they finally came out victorious. Clearly they had kicked some serious mall cop ass.


	5. Chapter 5

Knocking the mall cops skull against the ground was pretty satisfying for Dovahkiin, he feels almost all of his anxieties melting away with each savage hit. Brom actually pulls the shorter off the unnecessarily aggressive mall cop. 

“Woah, you really are getting a bit more sadistic.” Concern laces the mousy youths voice.

“Well, he shouldn’t be such a fuck!” The angry mole boy signs, anger seeping through his movements as. 

“Yeah, whatever you damn sadist, let’s just get this to Token.” Brom sighs and drags the boy to the gate and pushes it open. It creaks loudly in protest as if it hasn’t been oiled in years. An ornate and monstrously huge home sits beyond just beyond the trees. 

“Well ain’t this place just a neat lil’ cabin in the woods.” Brom smirks at his understatement.

“That’s one way to put it.” Dovahkiin trails ahead after signing the short message. The red head knocks on the ornate door waiting for the kid on the other side to inevitably answer.

“Hey, who are you guys?” A black kid opens the door, it’s Token.

“The grand wizard requests your presence cutie.” Brom smirks and hands over an envelope to the male. 

A blush fades into Token’s skin and he just accepts the envelope. He tears into it and speaks once more. “Uh, the elves took the stick again didn’t they?” 

A nod from Dovahkiin answers the boys question as he reviews the letter. Brom manages a glance over Token’s shoulder to see the awful attempt at calligraphy. “That’s real bad writing…” Brom mutters, annoyed by the craftsmanship of the letter.

“Hmmm, yeah Eric’s not too good at this kind of stuff.” Token explains stuffing the note in his pocket. “Give me a moment.” The kid shuts the door, leaving Brom and Dovahkiin in the cold.

“I don’t think he’s gonna play with us.” The statement makes Brom frown.

“Nah, he said he would be right back.” A couple of minutes pass and just as Dovahkiin was gonna say I told you so, Token opens the door.  
“Thank you brave messengers! I’ll make haste to Kupa Keep! Mom! Can you take me to Eric’s?” He yells to his mom in the back. “You guys need a ride?” Token offers, almost as an afterthought.

“No, we still need to find Craig.” Brom chirps happily.

“Ah, he’s in the dungeons…” Dovahkiin hits Brom hoping he will his question for him.

“Uh, where’s that? Sorry, we are kinda new to the area.” Brom holds his arm where the smaller of the brothers hit him not so lightly. Dovahkiin has started hitting him with more force than before.

“Oh, he’s in detention.” Token explains fiddling with one of his plastic knives.

“Oh! Yeah, that sucks.” Silence befalls them as Token’s mom walks out before them. A elbow to Brom’s ribs prompts the boy to ask his question. 

“Oh, since we don’t really have to get Craig anymore, can we get that ride?” The mousy haired boy nurses his bruised ribs.

“Yeah, come on, my mom is gonna take us over.” The vehicle is designed like a carriage. It’s a pretty sweet carriage with nice cushioned seats and a bold green paint job. There’s a horse stomping its feet before them as it seems to remember it’s in fact alive.

“Thanks.” Brom whistles as he hops in besides Dovahkiin. Token joins him and an tense silence envelopes them.

“So do you talk, or are you mute?” The boy directs his attention to Dovahkiin.

“Fight me. I need to feel alive again.” Brom watches and awaits for their new pal to say something.

“He’s speaks using sign language.” The freckled boy explains when he notices confusion cross Token’s face.

“Cool.” A smile dones the dark skinned boys face. “Where you guys live before here?” Brom hesitates on this one and it’s clear to Token that he does. Luckily for the brothers, they arrive at the Grand Asshole’s “humble” abode.

“We can chat some more later.” Brom’s eyes dart to the side, the topic isn’t taboo, but it just reminds him that they are sort of wanted by the government in the worst ways.

“Alright.” Token accepts that the two don’t want to talk about it. 

“Thank you maam.” Freckled boy Brom barely remembers to bid ado to the Kind mother.

“Oh it’s no problem, you boys be safe now!” She drives her carriage off.

“Time to go see the wizard.” Brom follows after Token into the castle, Dovahkiin trailing behind.

“Hello, Eric and his other friends are in the back.”A woman dressed in rags reminds the brothers of said overweight boys mother. It makes Brom kind of sad and Dovahkiin angry.

“Thank you.” Brom thanks her for both of them and proceed to make it to the back of the castle.

“You ready to go see “the love of your life”?” Douchebag grins teasingly, it’s Brom’s turn to finally elbow the smaller boy.

“Are you ready to go see your “fair maiden”?” The freckled boy’s grin is just as teasing as the smallest. A nod is all Brom receives as they are greeted by his boy Butters.

“H-hey there fellas! Did everything go alright?” Brom’s eyes sparkle at seeing the small blonde and grins.

“O-oh yeah! Nothing we couldn’t handle though! Say, Butterscotch, what are the chances that you would be able to go with us on our next mission?” Brom extends the invitation to the smaller, noticing that his brother has gone to silently flirt with Princess Kenny.

“R-really you want to play with someone like me!” Brom nods his head grinning as he seems to have Butters right where he wants him.

“Of course I do.” Brom wraps his arm around his shoulder smoothly. “We can go and kick the shit out of elves together!” 

“Awesome!” The blonde boy seems ecstatic to be involved with Brom.

“Vroom! Come here! I need you to help me flirt!” Douchebag’s signing is riddled with all sorts of anxious movements.

“Yeah, yeah!” Brom sticks his tongue out at the other boy.

“Stop getting your damn toast buttered!” Brom flushes a little at that one and pulls his hat over his face embarrassed at that phrase.

“Alright, alright! I’m coming… That’s what she said heheh.” Brom chuckles to himself and saunters up delighted to be of assistance.

“Thank you for translating bro. Tell them I think they look really pretty with the flower in their hair.” Brom nods his head after he has been given the signs.

“He wants to deflower your rose bush.” Dovahkiin is just about to hit him when he steps up and says “Wait, wait, wait. I’m a liar, he says you look pretty with the flower in your hair.” The wry grin from his face seems to be only held up in the hopes his brother wont hit him again.

“Brave Knight, how kind of you tehehe. How about on your next mission I come with you.” The fairest of all the maidens offers, to which Douchebag nods his head eagerly.

“He said yes.” Brom grins and pats his brother on the back. “And that he will bring a notebook and pens. Aww, are you gonna try and be poetic?” Brom fawns over the cuteness of the idea. Dovahkiin flushes and hits his freckled brother.

“Ouch, I get it, I get it. It’s still cute though.” Princess Kenny giggles in the background.

“See you soon, my knight in shining armor.” The powered brothers leave their respective partners and are brought into silence before the grand wizard. 

“As you all know, some ass hole got banished from time and space. Why did they get banished from time and space? Well, they lost the goddamn stick of truth! So we are gonna go an- Wait. Where’s Feltspar? Where’s me level twelve theif! Brom, Douchebag, you were supposed to grab three of my best warriors. I only count two!” Eric becomes enraged, but Tweek steps up to save the day.

“Craig’s in detention.” Brom mouths a “thank you” to the twitchy boy.

“Oh. Well we need to break him out then.” Eric’s revelation brings forth multiple gasps from the other teens.

“But the last time we sieged Mr. Mackey’s dungeon, we all got detention for a week!” Tweek pulls at his hair, anxiety eating him up inside.  
“That’s a risk that Douchebag is willing to take.” Eric omits Brom from the task.

“Good luck bro.”Brom pats the boy on the back gently.

“Brom, I have a special task for you. But either way, I am not cruel enough to send either of you off without some advantage. Meet me at the training grounds when you are ready to learn.” Dovahkiin jabs at Brom.

“Wonder what your “special” task is.” Brom shrugs and goes to the training grounds.

“I will teach you how to use magic. It’s simple, you take a deep breath with your asshole and” He pauses to demonstrate, “DRAGONSHOUT!” A big visible distortion filled with gas erupts from the teens ass.

“Gross.” Dovahkiin comments, eyes narrowing at the display.

“Cool.” Brom finds this gross activity to be somewhat delightful.

“Now you try.” Dovahkiin attacks the dummy and gets it on the first try, meanwhile Brom fails at this fart in every conceivable way. Eventually the wizard king gives up on Brom saying something about the shame of it all.

“Heh, sorry king.” Brom smiles sheepishly.

“Whatever, Sir Douchebag, go free Feltspar!” Douchebag rolls his eyes and grabs Kenny. The two leave happily.

“Alright, Sir Brom, I need you to go to City Wok and get me what’s on this list.” Brom takes the list and nods his head.

“Got it.” It may not be an exciting mission, but whatever.

Brom’s route.

“You ready to go Butterscotch?” Brom saddles up to the small boy, grinning.

“Yeah, but wow. Eric trusts you enough to go and get his food for him! No one is allowed to go get his food for him.” Brom furrows his brow at the news.

“Oh, well neat?” Brom says unsure of himself.

“Well come on we can go to City Wok together.” Butters the merciful leads the way for the tall boy. 

“Got it!” Brom follows like a lost puppy, which fits considering the hat he has placed upon his head.

“This is it! I wonder what sorts of potions the wizard needs.” Brom shrugs and walks up to the intricately carved countertop. It has an aesthetic fitting that of a chinese restaurant, except way fancier, and almost feels authentic here in this parallel reality.

 

“Here, I’ll go order real quick.” Brom walks up to the very white man behind the counter.   
“Herro” His accent is so thick, what the hell? “wercome to City Wok. Our speciars today are Mongorian Chicken, Mongorian Beef…” He suddenly leans down towards Brom. “Don’t get any of the Mongorian crap. It wirr make you shit rike crazy for two weeks.” The male suddenly straightens up and addresses his “employers”. “Oh herro Mongorians! Lovely day.” The white male pretending to be Chinese is really bad at acting. “Terr you what kid, you go beat up arr the Mongolian kids and the Mongorians think this not safe neighborhood to raise kids. They reave and I’rr give you arr the City Chicken you can carry. Oh, herro Mongorians.” 

Brom doesn’t wanna help but, he doesn’t think Eric will be to happy if he comes back with something besides what was on the list. 

Considering how he failed this time and Dovahkiin got punished, he highly doubts it's going to go good if he keeps “failing”. “Yeah, I’ll go beat up all the Mongolian kids.” Brom hush speaks and volunteers himself and Butters. 

“Good, now go beat up all the little Mongolian kids.” The “Chinese” man shoos them away and they are forced to go and find the Mongolian kids.

“They are probably up in the tower of peace.” Butters mutters eyeing the building next door.

“Tower of Peace, eh? Let’s make it less peaceful.” Brom leads the way, just opening the door with little fear. “Hello! I’m here to beat you up! This is not a safe neighborhood for anyone!” Brom’s acting is an absolute wreck. He leans over to Butters whispering in the boys ear. “Now you say something mean to them.” 

The blonde fumbles a bit before blurting out. “Fuck you you yellow skinned ass wipes!” Brom looks over appalled. He lightly hits the blonde.

“Bro, we are supposed to be bullies, not racist. Pick something like their clothes.” Butters becomes a bright red tomato.

“Well gee, I’m sorry fellas, your armor is really dumb!” Brom gives a thumbs up and all of a sudden the Mongolian kids attack. Not before sounding a gong. The stairs trail up and the battle begins. Brom shifts into a wolf and launches himself, biting and clawing his way through the kids armor.

“I-I was just seeing if it worked!” The blonde boy shouts seeing his hammer nail a kid in the face in an alarming way.

“Good job!” Brom shouts out, wincing when flaming arrows fly down on his boy. “Oh, you’ll pay for that one!” Brom launches himself, campling down on the kids arm and shaking his head. The kid cries out in pain, leaving Brom feeling guilty. The air is tinged with copper, and Brom can taste the bitter flavor as he spits, trying to get it out.

“Whewie, that was easy.” Smiling softly, Paladin pats Brom on the back, and the mousy haired boy feels invigorated. 

“I know, let’s go and beat the rest of those kids up! Like good proper bullies!” Brom’s cheer falls, tensing the room with an unlikely happy energy.

“This is no time to be playing dungeons and dragons! Stop that new kid! He’s no kind of dragonborn, mkay?” Mr. Mackey’s shrill voice rings over the walkie talkie radio. “Besides, he’ll never get in here because in order to get in here, he needs the gold key, but in order to get the gold key, he needs to get the silver key, and in order to get the silver he needs the brass key!” A moment passes before the radio signals in again. 

“Goddamnit. Mkay?”

Douchebag writes something on his pen pad, handing it over for the princess to read. “Looks like the guy doesn’t realize the radio is still on. Let’s fuck shit up!” Dovahkiin’s grin is wide as Princess Kenny gives a smirk.

“Our thief is in the cafeteria. Lead the way, charming.” A prod in the right direction leaves the magenta haired head with a faint blush. He turns and leads the way, making sure to sabotage all of these ginger guards. The hallway monitors are ginger, and apparently, King Asshat won’t take him back because it’s contagious? Whatever, Douchebag couldn’t be bothered with the details.

Silence is their companion as Dovahkiin tries to figure something that would be poetic to write to the Princess. He’s trying real hard to be sweet, but stops when he walks into the enormous fence blocking his passage. Douchebag narrows his eyes, “What now, Princess?” The moled boy shows the note.

“Watch this, I know the way into these boy’s hearts.” The royal girl puts her fingers through the fence and pulls her shirt down. Dovahkiin flushes bright red at the display.

“Oooh, those are some big bitties” It worked in catching one of the guards. An anger courses through the dark knight and before the princess has a chance to knock the guard out, Dovahkiin steps in with a heavy hit.

“Teheheh!” The Princess flushes red at the protective display and places a gentle hand on the soldiers’ shoulder. A squeeze leaves the magenta youth fawning a bit.

“A-Ah, we should get going.” Dovahkiin shows the note with a flushed face. He’s embarrassed about how he showed off his new sadistic side to his crush. A flood of guards are standing around the area, and Dovakiin spots a small flame, he can use that against their barricade! He points to the bulletin and watches the princess pull out her arrows. An arrow flies as Dovahkiin release his noxious nut gas. The guards are obliterated, only a single guard being left in his way. A slash here and there and Dovahkiin feels the sweet bloodlust consuming him. He grins a startlingly wide as he slices down his enemy, he leaves them living of course, but nothing was mentioned about his bones needing to be intact. 

“The brass key!” The princess loots the small ginger gremlin’s pockets.

“I adore the you  
Smile so brightly that the sun  
Burns with a jealousy.” Dovahkiin hastily writes out his cheesy poem, with a grin, showing it to his maiden. A flush adorns the strong woman’s face and she giggles.

“For me?” The voice is unsure as the blonde examines the magenta fart master.

A nod and both boys flush a full red face. “Thank you. It’s so sweet. Maybe you could use that poetic hand of your on me. Make me a poem.” A wink and Princess Kenny let’s his true self shine through is persona.

“A-Anytime!” Dovahkiin gulps flustered, but excited. “I’ll take you out to dinner any night you want!” 

“What the fuck! Why are there so many Mongolian kids here!? Do they not live anywhere else?” Brom’s shout resounds loudly as he fishes the dragon puzzle piece out from the fainted child. 

“Yeah, they all live here.” Butters confirms the tensed boys thoughts.

“Ah, whatever, c’mon. Let’s put this up already, Butterscotch.” Brom leads the way, sliding in through the broken wall. He fits the piece into the wall and watches the dragons come to life, flying around and breathing out a fire. They fly back into place soon after and Brom can’t help his amazement.

“Wow…” Butters is left in the same level of amazement.

“Let’s finish this up!” Brom runs up the stairs ready to fight the remaining kids. He, however stops at the top of the stairs.   
“What’s wrong?” Butters almost knocked into the freckled machine.

“That…” A pale finger points out at the mess of a monster. A dozen horses and giants atop said horses stand angry, holding spears and woks.

Getting the gold key was far easier than getting the silver key. The kid wouldn’t stop crying saying how it hurt so much. “Stop right there!” A voice prevents them from unlocking the door to the dungeon. 

Dovahkiin turns, ready to curse a bitch out with paper. He has had it up to here with all these ginger gremlin guards, but he stops when he sees a huge one, stands as tall as a sixth grader, and just as ugly. “Do you have a hall pass?” The creature slings a red ball in front of it, it’s attached to a chain and Dovahkiin soon realized it’s a mace.

“What now my Knight?” Princess Kenny questions watching the monitor dive in for an attack.


	6. Chapter 6

Facing the large ginger, Dovahkiin sighed softly before getting ready to battle. He hadn’t thrown the first punch so he needed to wait for his turn, blocking all the attacks from the boss. The hispanic boy waited until it was his turn before he started writing down on his notebook, ignoring the irritated noises from their opponents. 

“Can you distract them again?” He wrote down, showing Princess Kenny secretly. She nodded happily and waited until after Dovahkiin used dragonshout on one of the gingers in the back. Princess Kenny did her distraction, making it easier to attack the largest ginger as a jealous rage gave Dovahkiin an attack bonus. He had to look away, blushing too much at the view. 

They had to battle it out with the gingers for a long while, with Dovahkiin’s attacks being brutal against the hall monitors. Before anyone knew it, the gingers were on the floor- barely knowing what hit them. Blood had dripped all over the floor and burn marks seared the lockers a dark black. 

“You did well, knight,” Kenny said with a giggle, instantly turning Dovahkiin into a dark tomato. He hurried to write down ‘Thank You’ on his notebook before showing the Princess the motions with his hand. It was a simple touch to the chin and then he lowered his hand, watching as Kenny copied him perfectly. Nodding with a smile, Dovahkiin was distracted by the yelling from inside the dungeon.

“Hurry up already, assholes!”

He sighed quietly before unlocking the dungeon so that a couple dozen kids ran out to the sound of, “CURSE YOU CRAIG!” All of them ran outside to escape the dungeon master’s wrath. 

“Thanks for saving me from the dungeon,” Craig said. “Who are you?” 

The silence was nearly deafening without Brom to help him introduce himself. He nervously looked around, completely forgetting about his notebook. 

“This is Douchebag, he’s my knight,” Princess Kenny said, making Dovahkiin blush even harder than before. This may be a problem, to be honest. 

“Uh, okay? Is Tweek at the base?” Craig asked as Dovahkiin nodded. “Cool, I’ll head over than. You two can be weird over there.” He then left to go to Kupa Keep. 

In another part of town, Brom was at the top of the Mongolian tower about to fight the parents of the children he very nearly slaughtered and bullied. Butters stood next to him trying to steel up his courage. 

“It’s going to be fine, Butterscotch. We’re going to just beat the crap out of them and then go back- maybe we can even go home after all this extra crap is over with!” Brom reassured, getting ready to fight them as Butters nodded next to him.

The Mongolian adults made some weird screaming noises before they attacked. It wasn’t easy but the battle was in no way hard either, not with Brom shifting in and out of different forms. At some point he had turned into a bear and scared off all the horses that held the enemy- killing half of them instantly. Once they were all defeated, the both of them left the basically exploding building and headed to City Wok where the racist white man worked. 

“Herro! Welcome to Shit Wok,” he greeted cheerfully but then his voice lowered once they got closer. “Did you beat up the Mongorian kids?” he asked in that God awful accent of his. 

“Y-Yeah, we beat them up real good!” Butters said before being hushed by the older man. 

“Good, good! Here, take all the Shitty Wok you want!” 

Instantly, Brom held out the list that had Cartman’s order and asked him to fill it. It didn’t take to long for it to be set up and then the two of them had to walk back to Cartman’s. They didn’t want the fast travel to instantly cool down his food or for them to lose it. 

“So, Brom! How are you liking it in South Park!” Butters asked cheerily. He took a second to think about his answer before ultimately just shrugging. 

“It’s better than where we used to live at least!” 

Butters turned fully to him and smiled, “That’s good! Where did you used to live? I want to know all about my newest friend!” He seemed to have forgotten about Dovahkiin, much more friendly with Brom than the silenter of the brothers. 

“Oh,” Brom said nervously. “Well, all over really. We had a lot of trouble finding a place that would be good for us.” 

Butters didn’t seem to notice the hesitation though, instead beginning to chat mindlessly. It was easy to talk to him since he never seemed to run out of things to say, plus he wasn’t as rude as the other children in the town. The rest of the walk went by very quickly as they talked like old friends. 

 

Princess Kenny and Dovahkiin started walking back, the Princess pointing out a few things around them so that Dovahkiin would sign the word out to him. It was quite pleasant until Kenny asked him, “so, can you talk? Like physically?” 

Dovahkiin looked down bashfully and nodded his head. 

“Okay, I won’t tell anyone and you don't have to say anything to me if you don’t want to,” Princess Kenny said.   
Dovahkiin sighed a quick thank you, looking relieved at her words. When they walked into the KKK he instantly looked for Brom who was standing near Butters, chatting as the fat wizard ate his damn food. 

“There you are Douchebag! What took you so long! Whatever, I guess you two have assembled my army. I believe it only fitting that you two rank up. You two will no longer be called Brom and Douchebag. You will now be called Sir Brom and Sir Douchebag. Congratulations.” 

He allowed everyone some time to clap accordingly before continuing. 

“Now, it’s come to my attention that the stick of truth has not been yet taken to the Elven Forest and it currently in the possession of the Bard.”

A wave of shock rippled through the crowd of 8 or so teens. Tweek saying, “oh no! The Bard!”

“Wait!” Brom interrupted. “Who’s the Bard?” 

“The Bard is a drow elf that can use music to enchant and destroy his enemies,” Butters answered.

After that, Cartman brough the two over to learn some new magic. He said it was time for them to learn a ranged magic attack before showing them the Cup-A-Spell. It looked both useful and completely ridiculous. 

“Now you try! Malkinson! Come over here,” he said, telling him to come and practice on him. DOvahkiin felt bad, after all the other teen had only been nice to him since he got here. Glancing over at Brom, he made a decision to at least apologize beforehand. 

“Sorry, the Fat Wizard is making me do this,” he said to Cartman’s irritation. 

“Just shut up and do it!” he yelled as Dovahkiin and Brom got in position and tried. This time it seemed that Brom got it quicker than Dovahkiin but not by very much. They both farted on the boy who blocked his nose because of the warning. “No fair! It’s not funny now!” the wizard said, to be answered by only a middle finger before they moved on. 

“Ugh fine. Everyone come back over here!” he started, explaining when the rest gathered. “If the carrier ravens are correct than the Bard is hiding out in the Inn of the Giggling Donkey.”

“Let us find the bard and bring him to justice!” Butters cried out in the spirit of the game, making Brom look at him with those heart eyes that seemed to be permanent around the blonde boy. 

“Make haste!” Cartman cried out before they all headed to the Inn.  
RIght before they left, Scott pulled Dovahkiin aside and said in a whisper, “the Bard took the same speech classes as me. You’ll be able to communicate to him should you need to. He can’t sign back though.” Then they finally left after Dovahkiin gave a quick thank you to him. 

The walk was quick, and soon they were all squatting outside. The inn looked just like old bars used to, with two floors. One with rooms and the other presumably the bar area- there was even a stable where a normal house would have a garage. 

“There it is, the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. Are you sure this is where the Bard is hiding?” 

“That’s what Twitter says!”  
“THE CARRIER RAVEN, BUTTERS!” Cartman yelled, making Brom give him a particularly sharp glare. “Craig and Token, guard the back. Butters, Princess Kenny and you two are coming with me.”

They got up from were they were squatting and entered. The bar was filled with characters of all kinds, some actually looking like fantastical creatures though neither of the brothers should be surprised at this point. 

“Sir Brom, stay close. This bar hold the scum of all Zaron,” he whispered to the brother he seemed to like the most. The two of them exchanged glances as they already got prepared to fight. “Oh hello my good sir! A glass of your best meedlewine!”

The man with the mustache that matched the classy music around them turned and said, “no meedlewine. Only fairy ale.” As he continued to clean his glass. 

“A pint of fairy ale then!” Cartman received his glass before starting. “So, uh...has anyone seen the Bard lately?” Just those few words made the music freeze as he tried to explain his reasoning. 

“Sure, he’s here. He has a room downstairs,” the bartender said ushering them off. They had to all know that it was a trap, or else they wouldn’t have them going downstairs in the cellar where all the alcohol was stored.

“Sir Douchebag, you and Butters go down and flush the Bard out while we wait here to kill him. Remember the Bard can use songs to enchant, don’t let him get to you.” 

“Will you be okay up here, Vroom?” Dovahkiin signed getting a nod back.

“I’ll be fine, stay safe.”

Dovahkiin nodded before turning to smile at the Princess. He couldn’t say anything to her so he turned back to Brom. “It’s a trap, don’t let them get you. How I'll I explain that to Mom and Dad?”

Then suddenly he was walking downstairs without looking at his answer. Everything in this game felt so surreal and they didn’t know if they would really die in their world if they did here so really any last mission could be their last. 

The bard turned out to be a crippled boy with a stutter, but he sure did sing pretty well. The elves that were with him gained strength by listening to his lewd song but they still held no chance against Dovahkiin’s pure sadism. He enjoyed fighting more than he thought he would and it helped ease the panic that came when Fat Wizard called out it was a trap before fighting sounds started coming upstairs. Most of the fighting up there was being done by Brom who also seemed to be enjoying ripping apart the enemies in battle. 

With the help of Craig, who came in through the back window, Dovahkiin and Butters fought their way upstairs to follow the Bard who had ran. They meet up with Brom in the kitchen who protected the injured wizard with other elves scattered around them. 

“Butters, could you heal the wizard?” Brom asked once things had calmed down. 

“Yes, sir!” he said cheerfully, patting him as magic flowed to heal the fatass.

“He...he was too strong! The Bard, he’s in one of the rooms,” he coughed up some blood before continuing. 

“They took Princess Kenny! They have her upstairs- I’m sure they’re going to rape her….don’t let them rape Princess Kenny!” His words died off with an odd weeze before Dovahkiin got up quickly and stormed out of the room. Brom was pretty sure they wouldn’t actually rape her but to be honest he had no real idea, all he could do was call out to Butters to get the others before following his brother. Not these two were very imposing and strong, so it was pretty easy for Dovahkiin to slam a few things around with how tall he was and have a bunch of elves just get out of the way. They weren't too worried about fighting them, especially when the other guys came in through the door that Dovahkiin broke by throwing a chair really hard into the old wood.   
When they got upstairs, both the brothers heard the telltale creaking of a bed and suddenly Dovahkiin saw red, his protective and violent tendencies coming through as he slammed down the door- not even checking if it was locked. 

It took only a hanging lamp to the head to knock the elf on the bed out cold- who luckily was just jumping around like a goon- and then Dovahkiin was on the bed to make sure the Princess wasn’t hurt. He was signing, “are you okay?” so quickly that he forgot that Kenny didn’t know how to sign. 

It was a good thing that his facial expressions made it pretty easy to guess what he was saying because Kenny answered with a, “I’m fine.” He added the sign for thank you afterwards.

Only after that did Dovahkiin sigh with relief and nod quietly. Brom was just coming inside, patting Dovahkiin's head gently before they untied the princess. Dovahkiin was rewarded with a tiny kiss on the cheek before Kenny left- leaving the boy a mess already. 

“How are you getting further than I am? You don’t even talk to him!” Brom complained, getting an elbow to the side as an answer before they went to the hallway. 

“Princess Kenny! How bad did they rape you?” Fat Wizard exlained as they came out. 

The answer was muffled but it kind of sounded like Kenny said, “not too badly.” The rest of their group seemed to accept the answer as they turned to Craig who was trying to open the door that the Bard was in. 

“The door seems to be enchanted! I can’t turn the knob!” the thief complained. 

Cartman tried after him, getting angry when he couldn’t magick the door open. “No fair! You can’t do that!”

“Yes I can! I have the stick of truth so if I want to magick the door closed than I can!” the Bard taunted back.

“He does have the stick, he can do what he wants,” Craig said, giving up.   
As the fat wizard had his fit, Brom noticed an opening in the ceiling where an elf was hiding. He nudged Dovahkiin softly and motioned to the door. His brother made the sign for a bird and pointed questioningly. 

“I’ll get the ladder down, just wait here,” the shorter brother whispered before shifting to a bird and flying up the claw at the elf until he fell out of the ceiling, groaning when he hit the ground. Once the deed had been done, Brom changed back to his normal shape and dropped the ladder down for them all- just as Cartman began to notice. 

“Great job Sir Brom, now we can get up there and drop down to the inside of the Bard’s room!” he praised. Dovahkiin rolled his eyes before climbing to meet his brother. 

“I hate that fat wizard,” he signed angrily once he reached the attic. 

“Yeah, I know but we’ve dealt with worse than an overpowered fat lard,” he said back. “Let’s just finish this shit up and try to go home after- if we even can.” Dovahkiin nodded in agreement before getting ready to battle the other elves in here. 

It was a decent battle, with the unusually large rats being a stronger opponent than the annoying elves. They were lucky to have Brom though because the rats ended up getting scared off when he transformed into a tiger. 

“I hope we get to fight Boss level people, this is getting tedious,” Brom complained to Dovahkiin just as then began to drop down to the Bard’s room. He faced the bard as his brother unlocked the door for their army to come in- and we use the term army very lightly. The wizard stood at the front, immediately demanding that the bard give them the stick of truth.

“Take it from me if you can, W-Wizard King. Step forward now, and fulfill your de- des- and fulfill your de-de…” he said, his stutter making it hard for him to spit out the word. Both Brom and Dovahkiin were patient, having experience in the matter from the taller brother’s selective mutism, but the wizard wasn’t nearly as patient and he rushed the bard. 

“You are no match for a GRAND WIZARD,” the fatass yelled. 

The teen flinched back a bit before continuing to speak again. “I will do anything in my bardic class to keep this stick from you!”

“Fine! You want to throw down brah? Kick his ass DOuchebag,” the king said before moving out of the way for the bard to see him and Brom standing behind him. 

 

"Who is douchebag?”

“That’s SiR DouCHeBaG to you! And he’s about to teach you some manners bard!” Dovahkiin looked to Brom, not really wanting to fight this kid who hasn’t really seemed to do anything wrong. 

“Can’t you take this one? I had to fight in the basement- it’s your turn to deal with the Bard,” he signed, feeling tired of this shit anyway. “And you’re the one who said you wanted to fight a boss!”

Brom looked to the crippled kid who clearly was paying attention to his hand-speak and then back to “Sir Douchebag” and shrugged. “Whatever, I’ll take this one but you better fucking take the next boss we face!” Dovahkiin shook his fist in the yes sign before stepping back to let Brom take the lead.  
“Be careful!” Butters cried out, “I’ll help you out!” He smaller boy came to join his new friend as a hopeful smile spread on Brom’s face. 

“They’re hopeless,” Dovahkiin wrote down, passing the note to the princess next to him, making her giggle softly. In the background the musical notes of the bard was calling in some rats to help fight. Between all the fighting on their team’s end, the bard was playing the magical notes. One putting Butters to sleep while another started to prepare them for the Brown Notes- a mythical noise that is know to make grown men shit themselves just by hearing it. 

“Oh ma gawd, brace yourselves men,” the wizard called out just as he was about to play the note. Everyone clenched there assholes and stopped themselves from shitting their pants. It was a miracle they all survived. 

Brom and Butters managed well enough on their own, steadily lowering his health. Brom was making his way through a whole zoo of animals, not all of them big and scary. A few monkeys, cats, and even a chihuahua came in to scare and make quick attacks. Butters was doing a lot better than Dovahkiin expected though, even if he was asleep a good portion of the way through. 

All in all, the battle was won and it seemed that Brom was satisfied with it. 

“That was much more fun, Douchebag. I think you’ll like the next battle that you have to face- all by yourself. Good luck!” The smug little shit was even smirking. 

It was Cartman who took the stick from the badly beaten crippled boy, screaming: “THE STICK IS OURS!” 

Followed by the chorus of everyone cheering besides Dovahkiin, who wasn’t going to talk anyway obviously, and Craig. He clearly just didn’t look like he was about to put in the effort.   
At the end, they all ended up leaving to bring the stick to where it belonged- in the castle of Kupa Keep. It did, unfortunately, cause another speech from the fatass. 

“Brom and Douchebag, for your heroic deeds at the great Battle of the Giggling Donkey, I hereby make you an official member of the Kingdom of Kupa Keep. Welcome to the KKK,” he said as the other members clapped for the both of them. It seemed like he would continue but then Cartman’s mother came outside.

“It’s getting late! The Grand Wizard needs to go night night!” she called from the back door. 

The wizard looked so done with his mom as he said, “okay, mom. Thanks for pointing out bedtime for everyone.”

“You and your little druid friends need-” she started, soft spoken.

“WERE NOT DRUIDS MOM, WE’RE FUCKING WARRIORS AND WIZARDS!” he screamed childishly. The two brothers felt bad for the woman, being yelled at by her teenage son. It would probably be helpful if she stood up to his fatass but that wasn’t either of the two’s business. Luckily she seemed to think the same though. 

“That’s it, you’re going to bed! The rest of you better get home too!” she said, addressing the others in a nicer tone as she walked the boy out. The others thanked miss Cartman before going into the tent. 

“Come on, guys! We’ll show you how to get home!” Butters said in his perpetually cheery voice. Brom and DOvahkiin followed them inside the tent and then instantly walked out- noticing that the world went back to the way it was. With cars and everything- Dovahkiin was curious to see what the others looked like without all the armor and crap. Once they took the now plastic off of them, the brothers could take a good look at them. It was all essentially the same except they could get a better look at their faces. Especially Tweek’s and Kenny, who took off the wig to leave it in the tent. 

“At least we know your princess is still cute without the wig,” Brom whispered teasingly. Dovahkiin stuck his tongue out in retaliation.

“Let’s go home, it’s been a long and shitty day,” Dovahkiin signed, his anxiety getting worse the longer they stayed out. “There’s still tomorrow too.”   
Brom nodded and the quickly left after a goodbye to everyone else, the boys mostly waving to their respective crushes. 

“I have a feeling that moving here isn’t going to go as well as it’s been today,” Brom sighed before they got to the house. His hispanic brother shrugged before opening the door, letting their parents shuffled them on upstairs with very few words. Their father was very bitter about Dovahkiin’s silence but they both ignored it so they could head to bed and knock out after such a long day.


End file.
